The Bite

Today was the day Turner and I were going to get back in the swing of our routine of going to the gym in the morning followed by lots of other productive activities in the afternoon.  We had been quarantined for the last two weeks with hand foot and mouth disease and it was finally time to rejoin life before I went crazy!  Well, it may have been too late. 

The morning started with the normal herding of my daughter through breakfast and getting dressed and trying to keep her out of too much trouble while I try to get dressed.  Today was also in the realm of normal when I took away some item that was hazardous and she bit me in protest!  She bit me hard!  As I reached to take what ever it was (I don't remember) out of her mouth she grabbed my hand an clamped down like a pit bull.  I think she even shook her head a little with rage like an animal does when they are going in for the kill.  OUCH plus a few expletives!!!! 

She has left me with bite marks on numerous occasions and my typical response is to take her straight to time out.  Well, obviously she was not getting the hint about not biting!  I've been talking to my other mommy friends about my daughter's biting and they all tell me stories of how they or someone they knew bit their kid back and then the kid never bit again.  Today was the day I snapped and I became one of those women who bit their child.  I bit her pretty hard, too.  I wanted her to cry and to know how much it hurts in hopes that my child is empathetic and if she understood what she was doing then she would stop.  This was my logic in the split second before I decided to clamp down on my daughters arm like a crazy person. 

Oh, the look she gave me  before she let out a little whimper was just awful!  She was so confused. Why was Mommy was hurting her?  My heart completely broke.   She looked at her arm for a second and I told her, "See, this is why we don't bite.  It hurts."  She whined for a second and then got up to go play like nothing happened.  The worst part is I left bite marks and she didn't seem to even feel it.   

I am mortified and it may not have taught her any kind of lesson. I feel like all I did was add to the collective memories that Turner will use against me when she is a teenager.  Ugh...What an awful experience and it seemed to punish me still more than it punished her.  It is like when my parents used to say, "This is going to hurt me a lot more than it will hurt you," before they would spank me, but I am not a spanker!!! 

Needless to say, we didn't go to the gym today.  I was afraid that they would report me for child abuse.  Hopefully there will be a day when it doesn't feel like the stars have to align in order for us to leave the house and until then I will never bite my child again.